First and foremost, I’m a Homemaker, a community volunteer: with my role being the Librarian offering a specialised membership only service, as well as having been a long standing mature student that had spanned twenty-three years, completely finishing in the year 2011.

Secretarial Administration, Trainee Manager, Book-Keeper, and Garden Designer.  Also I’ll state for the record: I’ve no inclination whatsoever of becoming a Nurse or anything else in the Health profession (no bedside manner), or a Social Worker (too cynical) nor a Teacher (no patience at all), nor a Media Entertainer (don’t do recitation), and not even a Journalist (rhetoric prose ain’t my style) and as for working in Human Resources (I’m too humorous), thus I’ve never had it in mind for myself those careers, not even now at this phrase of my life, no matter how many incentives are on offer.

“The best augury of a man’s success in his profession is that he thinks it the finest in the world.” (quote by George Eliot)

Work category: MÉTIER
(job; manual, trade; intellectual, profession; experience, skills). 

As I’ve finished my academic pursuits, I do want to make the return to some of work, perferable with a mixture of activities. And what type of work I have in mind is still under consideration by me, due to my circumstances, but I hope that whatever work that I do, will need to take into account my lifestyle and my disabilities, which can be worked around, I’m keeping my options completely open.    

As what I’m going through at this current period of my life is a transitional phase, in the past I’ve been a working woman, a working mum and a stay at home mom: I was never a ‘Lady of Leisure’, nor Pottered Around in the house either, nor a ‘Lady Who Lunches’, I was the ‘Lady That’s Productive’, and when I go back to work, I’ll be back to where I started and that is a working woman, but things will be a little different, which is one of the hardest things to get through after a career break, so I’m making sure that I stay active as possible and seeing what I’m most keen to exploit as a skill in the job market.

My Occupational Future:

In their cultural society, it is usually the custom of the Chinese child to choose their destiny. Various symbolic objects are placed in front of them: string, symbolizing a long life; books, for scholarship; money, for wealth and security; pencils for writing. The object they choose will foretell their future (see web-link article below).

So I’ll tell a past experience of this. When younger both my half-sister and I were given one toy each, and they weren’t just ordinary toys, for they were toys that symbolized the positions in an occupation of work in society; as in seeking responsibilities, and not those being the status of artistic-ness as already forementioned as seeking merely prestige.  But in saying that, knowing about the Art side helped to gain the knowledge of values and quality, which would later come in handy for me to have awareness of, and thats why I educationally pursued Art subjects too, that is to know of their worth, because on the other hand the occupation of work was about practicality and ethics as much as anything else in society associated with it.

She being the half-sister, got ‘an office’ toy-set in red and yellow, which was complete with telephone, paper, pens and type-writer, which symbolised the ‘Service profession’.  However, she only played with it once and pushed it aside, but I suppose destiny is destiny, but she hated the idea of having to be second in command to anyone and behind the scenes for the rest of her life in an office environment, and remember this was the feminist 1970s which by and by she was heavily influenced by their agenda, but she found that the feminist movement looked down upon the secretarial profession in those days: it was also seen as a dead-end job too and that the women left that profession once they were married, and she had hoped to marry an accountant or teacher as her ideal husband.

Thereat she wasn’t having it, and decided she wanted to join the Navy and then work in their naval offices.  However, that plan didn’t materialise; as she was informed that there was still the physical training to pass, but as everyone knows that she could never stick up for herself and is reliant on others, therein would be a liability in the military, but crucially she didn’t know how to swim and never bothered to learn.

And she would need to do all this before she could join the Navy backroom operations, and some were lesbians and how would she cope all at sea if she were approached and propositioned in that regard, besides which she wasn’t body confident either, as all this was something she had to think about before she made a final decision, for if she did join the Navy, I said she’d have been the very first black woman to gain her sea-legs officially and make history, she didn’t like that idea of being spot-lighted in scrutiny. I also reminded her most sternly, that she didn’t have any fighting skills in face to face combat, as the only thing she’s got is her bad mouth, like in this modern day and age, and she’d most likely be killed on her very first mission, followed by a sea burial because no one could find her body, as that’s the risk naval personnel take in defending their country.  She wised up after that comment.

However, because my half-sister whose one year older, didn’t play with her office toy-set any more, I played with hers too, and I mimicked the films I saw of how secretaries behaved, such as ‘Desk Set’ 1957 starring Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy, and had a lot of fun in the process until my half-sister complained to said parents that it was her toy and I had no right to play with it, and even though she didn’t want to play with it, she couldn’t stand the fact of me having any fun with it neither, so the office toy-set was thrown out on her instruction. 

Besides which, if I hadn’t done so, my half-sister wouldn’t have followed her own destiny; even though before she left school said parents even paid privately for her to have typing lessons which had cost over £400, as in the 1970s this was alot of money, she dropped out which she didn’t care that she wasted the opportunity she was a feminist afterall.

Thereat, she wouldn’t have gone into the secretarial profession of her own accord, as she even took out a gap year of doing nothing when her attempt at A-levels didn’t pan out, and only went into the Secretarial profession once I had embarked on this working path too via a reputable College. 

Talk about shoring her up to finish all of a course this time around, and no I didn’t need her help on the course; I managed just fine all on my own, as I can do as my personality is such that I’m very much a soloist; due to being an enochlophobic person as I’m unable to desensitize myself from all of the emotions from others around me on mass, but can do so in small environments, thus I choose my surroundings very carefully, and because I’ve a Chameleon personality type which allows flexibility, that is I try to make the best of things along with my character traits in the equation of relationships, as it offers a way of experiencing and coping with personality-style difference disturbances with regards to others.

Whilst as some already know, or may not know until now about my half sister, is that she is a monophobic person and has a splitter personality type, which she has the same personality profile as mother (although mother is warmer whilst my half-sister is colder in their respective constitutions: Constitution refers to an individual person and represents the summation of genetic traits for that person in terms of mind, personality and emotions. By definition therefore Constitution represents those traits which cannot be altered (ie inherited traits) as opposed to those which can be altered (ie symptoms), as the same splitter personality is evident in both of them), that leads to her and mother to being control freaks. 

Weblink articles: Personality Styles, Personality Constitution/Humour Types and The Four Battle Personality Types

And for those in society who have to deal with a splitter personality of either gender, that is whether seeing everything or nothing within themselves as individuals, the problem they have is that splitter personalities view themselves in content rather than in context to other personality types, that is their relationships are about power and therefore use reverse psychology alot in their interactions, so even showing compassion towards the splitter personality doesn’t work because they will feed off that sympathy until you’ve been worn out giving it; remember they’re not ill nor terminally inflicted, they are splitters, and that’s the borderline individuals’ personality and its immutable; they are what they are.  For ultimately compassion isn’t what they wanted: they only want lots of reactions, not just of one kind but that of many differing emotions.  End of.

And unfortunately this means that one can’t be completely uninhibited around the splitter personality, or else that other person comes to regret it, (as the splitter will act out not only dramas but act out punishments too), and within the immediate familial situation its even more difficult unless you’ve been prepared to handle such personality types, for conversations across styles are more likely to get garbled in transmission, as very quickly one can lose utter respect and trust for those who have such a splitter personality; no matter what they have as character traits, as it is noted that most borderline/splitter personalities have one thing in common with each other as to their intrinsic nature: they are the most resentful and begrudging people you’ll ever likely to come across; in all that is asked or requested of them and in everything and anything they do.  

Thereat, official psychodynamic approach to handling splitter personalities, for those who have ongoing relationships of any kind (be it at home, relations, friends, or at work), is not to stray from the focus of the interaction at hand, which slipping into dependency would amount to; as one has to be self-sufficient emotionally.  The skill is to become attached quickly, to the point of intimacy, and then to detach equally quickly, that is in spite of the inevitable feelings of abandonment that follows to what might’ve been a nice connection or communication with the splitter, ignore it and be firm with controlling your emotional state, (for further information read: My Work with Borderline Patients (1986) by H. F. Searles), as this approach by other personality types has to be taken and maintained at all times towards the splitter/ borderline personality for any kind of relationship to last long term.

Although compassionately, the ultimate solution for the splitter personality not to lose the respect and trust of others, would be for the splitter personality types recognising and accepting themselves as borderline personalities (which often they don’t) and learning to draw their own boundary lines (instead of trying to ignore/destroy those lines, that have been set in place by other personality types for their own self preservation), as they still perceive it to be a power game even though it isn’t. And thus interact in the social world accordingly; its not an abdication of any perceived power rather than the mediation of equals in any relationship.  

As far too many excuses are made for the splitter personality type’s behaviour pattern: to their lack of personal development as to be a counter-personality and to their social detriment in life as they have been largely normalised thereby creating a counter-culture in society — it is far removed from entertaining — as general life in society isn’t a stage as Shakepeares stated; only the individual is with their part they play, as even the theatre stage has a boundary around itself (splitter types know thy place) that is excluded from the audience with their spotlight of scrutiny upon you, or they can leave the building whenever they like, as well as there being a gap which can be seen as that mediated space between people, and no such power lines of note; only the waiting in the wings of actors (the character traits within a person) where no-one comes into existence until being commanded to on cue (splitter types know thy lines), as well as the Pit to descend into (usually metaphorically designated as Hell) when a splitter personality type steps out of line and out of place. 

So no, I don’t copy or follow my half sister and never looked upon mother as any kind of role model, in anything they do or said, as from experience they’d rather I failed at everything even as a learning curve, which ain’t healthy considering they see everything as a power game, and besides I’ve always had my own lifestyle and plans regardless because I knew when to draw that final boundary line with them. 

And no, I got nothing to encourage me nor advanced training in my vocation of retailing by said parents, I was shafted: remember it well the offer of working a Saturday job in a pharmacy, all it needed was parental permission, they refused to give it, nor was it to be the only time of this occurring. 

So there was much for said half-sister to be thankful towards me for; instead of her being begrudging and uncharitable in her actions (meaning being ungrateful and not the activity of actually giving to charity, although she never did that neither when younger) and in her having a very toxic and destructive attitude towards me growing up didn’t help her case.  As I had put my own destiny of following my own vocation on hold, but don’t hold your breathe of her being appreciative for this past sacrifice on my part. 

And by the by, any sort of matter regarding their issues stays with them and those that act(ed) on her or my mother’s behalf against me, there is no comeback: I don’t forgave nor will I ever forget, and absolutely no-one will influence my decision otherwise.  Get over it.  As we’re no longer a family on any kind of speaking terms, and I’d very much appreciate that this non-verbal communication remain in that way forever, as it is on my terms afterall, and the conditions will remain in place. And perhaps those others of the same ilk as my half-sister and mother along with those that act(ed) on their behalf, come to starkly realise that there are people in this world that do mean exactly what they say and stick to their decisions without retracting them and without any regrets regarding relationships no matter what — I’m one of them.

My own toy which I received happened to be a cash register in bright red with the numbers popping up in white.  Loved it, and played with it until it broke (as remember toys were never replaced with another in those days). For a cash register symbolises the ‘Trade profession’, which meant to be ones own boss; and/or in command of others if so chosen, and to hold the wealth of the economy in ones hands: the Trade and Industry, as well as the Chambers of Commerce.  Thus yes, I’ve always known what my purpose in life was to be, as foretold. However, there wasn’t much positive support, literature, images or films of working in retail; except the derogatory comments regarding ones social class status mentioned alot, as portrayed for example in the comedy genre, which didn’t help matters none. 

However, because I played with both toys during this period, I could see more merit of understanding how this fitted together, as in first becoming an office worker, as it was a chance to see what the working world was about and gain insight into different fields of experience by being a secretary.  So that’s why I chose to follow this working path instead at that time until I retired from it, as I had learnt much about people too.  For in the business world and in the retail sector there is many cross-overs, as one has to understand the business back-room operations just as much as the trade front-line operations. Thus therein stage one of my life is complete.

And also I wasn’t ready to follow my own vocational destiny because the conditions weren’t right, as destiny is something that a person can manage to suit the circumstance by themselves without anyone’s permission in its follow through action plan, because it can be represented symbolically (as mentioned about my cash register toy above), practically (as applied throughout my CV in the job descriptions/company I’ve done in trading money), and studiously (my business studies educational programme that I’ve completed), either in a big way or in a small way, it all counts to ones vocational destiny being met, but fate isn’t, thats an opportunity presented in a situation. 

Therefore one can’t have failed ones destiny due to the fact of having combined both fate and destiny at the same time throughout one’s life, unbeknownth to the powers that be, like I’ve done to have met the predictions long ago as in ‘having left no stone unturned’ so to speak in one’s career choice and economic setting [aside comment: I wonder? If thats what Mr Giles meant when he said I’d always be successful].

And I personally liked the quote by Ronna Lichtenberg who states “Give Yourself Time To Win” in a book I’d read, that I decided even though I’ve prepared well enough, that going into my vocation full head-on (second time around) would come later on in my life until: 

1. there were recognised academic qualifications at all levels in the field of retail as a specialised occupation in business that is widely offered by the mainstream educational institutions.  
2. there was development in the technological area regarding the in-store information systems that were at a stage that could benefit the retail sector in their activities. 
3. deciding upon what I wanted to sell as a retailer: it didn’t have to be original but it definitely had to be a product/service that I believed in and wanted to be associated with for the long-term.

Let see what happens… 

See Weblink Article: Choosing Their Futures, a Custom for Babies, by Christine Goldberg, Western Folklore, Vol. 53, No. 2 (Apr., 1994), pp. 178-190, (article consists of 13 pages), Published by: Western States Folklore Society, Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/1500103

See Weblink Blog Post Article: Rethinking the Core Human Needs.


“A career is born in public, talent in privacy.”
              By Marilyn Monroe (actress)


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