20 types of lovers


Lovers love the Western Star; forever reminded the mystery now understood as a powerful light of freedom taking her Time with purpose.


The lover is all about well-being.  What does a lover do? A lover loves somebody unconditionally. A lover nurtures and makes the other person feel safe, loved, desired, heard and wanted. A lover is more likely to be Demisexual in orientation, that is someone who feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond. Letting go with someone and succumbing to them is one of the most amazing feelings in the world. Succumbing to love is to yield to superior strength or force or overpowering appeal or desire. This is the lovers innate constitution. In fact if you did that every single night, then all the tension and the battles and the fights you have in the outside world you would feel a release.

Lovers have a distinct mode of behaviour, they aren’t married but are in relationships or partnerships, even since the beginning of time, well before God, for it states that:“The LORD possessed me at the beginning of His way, before His works of old. From everlasting I was established, from the beginning, from the earliest times of the earth.” (HB, Proverb 8:22-23) Therefore, the lover has existed as a unique person, in myths, legends and fact. As William Shakespeare says: “The sight of lovers feedeth those in love.”

Thereat, married couples are in love, they aren’t lovers because their behaviour is only exclusive to each other within the confines of the bonded relationship, as written Biblically: “and over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (HB, Colossians 3:14) and not the single persons behaviour over a life-time which is unchanged whomsoever is loved as Bibically it states: “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.” (HB, 1 John 4:7 ). And The God of which they speak of is the God Enlightenment. That is the distinction.

In any case, this idea of the soulmate, or bashert, also appears in Bibically sources. For example, in Sefer HaEmunah veha Bitachon, the Ramban (Nachmanides) writes: “The Blessed Holy One made the soul divided. He separated it into two parts and put the first part in one body and the second part in another body. In the union between the two bodies, primordial love awakens.” (Ramban, Sefer HaEmunah vehaBitachon, 24)

Therefore for a lover, respecting each other is very important. You can never have an equal relationship if one person feels less respected, less considered or less desired. In that case, you will have a relationship that will not work the way EITHER of you desire.  It also emphasizes the idea that closeness, or sameness, can be a deterrent to sexual attraction — that separateness and difference actually promote sexual desire. This idea also appears in another one of Plato’s dialogues, the “Gorgias,” in which he argues that it is only possible to experience pleasure and desire in the absence of their fulfillment — in other words, desire only exists as long as there is separation between the one who is desiring and the object of that desire.

The ultimate lover is the one undercover, as stated in the Holy Bible verse: “Who is this coming up from the wilderness leaning on her beloved?” (HB, Song of Songs 8:5).  But use these 20 kinds of lovers to find out just what kind of a lover you are, and what kind of a lover your partner is. Try to define yourself as one of these 20 kinds of lovers, and speak with your partner and ask them to point out the kind of lovers they see in you.

And if you don’t like how either of you see each other, talk about it with each other. After all, understanding what kind of a lover your partner sees in you can help you become a better lover, and work on your flaws to minimize them. And it’ll help your partner become a better lover too!

Once acceptance is faced of what type of lover you are, it will ease the likelihood of identifying with another, or quantify the terms of your relationship with others. The most known about a lover means that you can’t say you were blind-sided into any kind of relationship with them because you have to accept the responsibility, choice and change that that kind of relationship brings out in you as a person.

So what types of lover are there:

#1 The giver. This is the selfless lover who constantly gives in the relationship, usually because they believe they’re not good enough for the relationship or their partner, or they believe they don’t provide enough value to the relationship and try to compensate for it by giving more towards the relationship.

#2 The taker. This is the kind of partner who constantly takes in the relationship *always wants things their own way*. This person believes they bring so much into the relationship just by their mere existence that they don’t need to do anything at all to make their partner happy. People who think of themselves as a trophy usually end up as this kind of a partner.

#3 The pleaser. This kind of a lover goes out of their way to please their partner. Call it unconditional love or pleasing love, but just watching their lover smile makes this person happy and fulfilled. They get pleasure out of pleasing their partner, even if it means giving up on something they want or like.

#4 The controller. The controlling lover appears very caring and loving, and seems extremely attentive to your needs. But somewhere along the way, you may start to feel stifled and suffocated by their subtle demands or restrictions. They use manipulation and emotional blackmail to make you dependent on them, and before you know it, you feel trapped and isolated from the rest of the world.

#5 The selfish lover. This kind of a lover always thinks twice before giving something or doing something nice for their lover. They always ask themselves “what’s in it for me?” before they do anything. And they *discreetly* want the bigger or better thing all the time, be it the bigger slice of pizza that both of you pretend not to notice, or while making plans for the next vacation.

#6 The doubter. This kind of a lover never completely trusts you. You always have to go out of your way to make them feel secure and happy in the relationship. They feel threatened by your friends, or by anyone else who seems to give you the slightest hint of attention. They constantly doubt you or sneakily try to snoop around in the hope of catching you red-handed.

#7 The actor. The actor is a tricky person to read, because they behave like they really care about you when you’re around. They constantly try to show just how concerned they are about you and your happiness, they ask you if you want something, but in reality, they don’t ever do anything to make you feel better. It’s all talk and no trousers.

#8 The drama seeker. This kind of a lover wants to experience something new all the time, be it a fight or a romantic getaway. They don’t like comfort or monotony. They’d rather pick a petty fight or do something dramatic than just let the relationship go along its calm course.

#9 The straying lover. This kind of a partner gets bored very easily and they always want more. They may seem excited for the first few months of the relationship, but as soon as the infatuation stage passes by, they get distant or boring. And they’d seem more interested in impressing someone else.

#10 The over-looker. This kind of a partner sees your flaws, but they choose to overlook them or put up with them because they don’t want to change anything in the relationship. They’d rather be a punching bag who deals with their partner’s affairs or lack of affection by turning a blind eye to it, rather than confront or walk away from it. They tend to have an easy going nature that doesn’t want to rock the boat.

#11 The helper. The helper constantly tries to help their partner become better, either by supporting them or criticizing them. They find their own meaning to life or happiness in life by supporting their lover and helping them achieve something. This kind of a partner sometimes behaves like a martyr who sacrifices their desires to help their partner achieve theirs, but they always remember the sacrifices. And at times, they may even use it to emotionally manipulate their lover.

#12 The compromiser. This kind of a lover doesn’t mind giving in for the happiness of the relationship. They give in easily in any argument or discussion just to please their partner, or avoid a fight. They may seem like they have no desires or wants, and are happy to accept the decisions of their partner.

#13 Possessive lover. The possessive lover may love you a lot, but they have a very hard time trusting you. They constantly feel like everyone else in the world is out to separate the both of you, and every person of the opposite sex is trying to hook up with you. This kind of a partner may love you, but they have a hard time trusting you unconditionally.

#14 Jealous lover. Does your partner ever feel jealous of your success or your achievements? The jealous lover may love you a lot, but they always want what you have, or more. If you buy a few new expensive perfumes, your jealous lover would want to buy perfumes too. And if you get promoted at work, your partner may start sulking about how underappreciated they are at work even if they never felt that way before you got your promotion!

#15 Material lover. This kind of a lover is more focused on wealth and luxuries than anything else. They want everything the material world has to offer, and they don’t care what their partner does *behind their back* as long as they have money and the good life.
#16 The loyal lover. A loyal lover is the one who sticks with their partner through thick and thin. They have moral principles and they don’t go looking for opportunities to cheat on their partner. They’re emotionally and sexually satisfied and don’t stray at the first stolen opportunity.

#16 The loyal lover. A loyal lover is the one who sticks with their partner through thick and thin. They have moral principles and they don’t go looking for opportunities to cheat on their partner. They’re emotionally and sexually satisfied and don’t stray at the first stolen opportunity, they are the lovers of comfort and like the over-looker lover will go with the flow of the relationship.

#17 Passionate lover. This type of lover is almost always on a sexual high. They’re extremely passionate and are proud of their sexual prowess. They spend a lot of time making love, and they love having a good time in bed and pleasing their partner. They’re full of passion and they can’t imagine a life where sexual intimacy takes second place behind anything else.

#18 Brooding lover. The brooding lover is the kind of lover who’s lost in their own world almost all the time. They want space and love being by themselves for several hours, and at times, they may even get annoyed if they don’t get enough space to be by themselves. They’re distracted or lost in thoughts, and even if they seem happy in the relationship, they almost always seem bothered by something.

#19 Enthusiastic lover. They’re always enthusiastic and love trying new things all the time. They’re not boring, and at times, they’re even reckless. They love creating memories and are always involving their partner to try a new experience all the time.

#20 The romantic lover. This kind of a lover is a true romantic. They woo you and impress you with romantic gestures all the time. They’re really sweet and loving, and don’t miss any opportunity to display a grand gesture of love and romance!

So which of these 20 kinds of lovers do you see in yourself and your partner? It could be a mixture rather than absolutes and works in conjunction with other facets of character and personality types. Talk about it to each other, even if it seems painful or awkward. If both of you care about each other, having this conversation will only bring both of you closer or ease the struggle of incompatibility!

Choosing a lover

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